A few weeks ago I sat in adoration with 12 of the youth I am blessed to work with. I thought about my first encounter with Junior High students on this same retreat two years ago. I remembered the three boys I took with me and how much fun we had. A few moments later I began thinking about this retreat last year. I was blessed to bring 6 students and I was so excited that in just one year our number had doubled.
On Saturday night the second year of the retreat I was a mess. I spent most of the night crying. And let me tell you they weren't pretty tears. I was so deeply saddened because I had come to the decision that I would be leaving Wyoming to be a Catholic Missionary with Lifeteen, a movement that is so close to my heart. As I sat in adoration that day I realized that my choice to leave meant I was leaving these students behind. Sure, there would be someone else who could come in and journey with them to heaven, but that someone wouldn't be me. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make, and I knew either way my heart would break because I would either walk away from my desire to be a Lifeteen Missionary or I would walk away from and incredible parish and group of youth.
On that night last year I remember crossing paths with my dear friend Miguel on the way back to the room where adoration was taking place. He knew something was wrong and didn't have to speak any words he just held me in his arms as I cried. In that moment I realized that I would also be leaving behind the place that I had come to call home, a place where some of my biggest faith moments happened, a place where I built a life of my own, and a place where I came to know God in a totally different way. In that moment I uttered the most sincere prayer I have ever said "Lord, if this is your will please make me strong." I knew that I would need great strength to make this decision, whatever that would be.
As I'm sure you know after much prayer and many feelings of confusion I finally decided to stay in Rock Springs and continue to journey with these students. And let me say I know in the depths of my soul that THIS is where God has called me to be. Never would I have imagined a year ago that our youth groups would be growing in such great ways, never would I have guessed that I would now be responsible for education of all age groups, and never would I have realized just how happy I would be doing that. It is incredible how joyful life can be when we let the Lord fulfill the deepest desires of our hearts.
It is incredible for me to really stop and think what a difference a year can make!
