A Blog for My Sisters

In the last few days I have seen a video floating around Facebook. It is called Who You Are: A Message To All Women. If you haven't seen it yet please take 3 minutes and 36 seconds to click and watch. I have become slightly addicted to this video. Anytime I see it come up on my newsfeed I watch it again. Like something has changed since I watched it 4 hours ago. Each time it is the same video and each time I can't help but hear the truth in that mans voice. 

Friends, we as women are powerful, we are strong, and we are LOVED! We were created for greatness and I know so many times we forget that. A few months ago I was visiting a retreat center in Georgia and was assigned to help with a Juniors and Seniors Retreat. Over the course of the weekend I spent time getting to know different groups of people, but spent a lot of time getting to know some of the girls in the group. Towards the end of the weekend I had this Junior come up to me and tell me about how worthless she felt because she was nothing like the other girls. She explained to me that she didn't think she could ever be beautiful, but she noticed that I was like her. I had piercings and tattoos, that week my fingernails happened to be painted black (the funny thing is they were teal the week before, but having them black this week was important for this encounter), and I was wearing a black sweatshirt that day. Because of the way I looked she identified with me, but at the same time she saw me talking with ALL of the girls who were there. The popular girls, the athletes, the smart girls, and those who felt like they didn't belong. When this girl talked with me I felt so deeply saddened that she could not see how beautiful she was and she could not see her worth. I was also very surprised that someone was watching me so closely, she could tell me who I had been talking to throughout that entire day. I talked with her about how beautiful and special she was. That she was created by the Father and she was created for greatness. I explained that it didn't really matter how she dressed or what she looked like, God created her to lead people to his kingdom. I asked her why she chose to talk with me instead of one of the other Missionaries that were there. She very simply said "because you dress just like me, but you are beautiful" I walked away from that encounter a bit surprised, see I could see the beauty in this young girl but in that moment I was surprised to hear her say I was beautiful. 

So many times we base our worth on what society has mapped out for us. We base our worth on how many people we're friends with, how may guys are interested in us, how well we do at our job or in school, and how loved we feel by the people in our lives. Let me tell you sisters, we are worth dying for because we were created by the Father. We were created for love and we are WORTHY!!

"Empty and Beautiful"

I'm not sure if you've ever heard the song "Empty and Beautiful" by Matt Maher, but it is one of my favorites (well anything by this artist could probably count as one of my favorites). Lately I've been reflecting on this song and in particular one line of this song; "You fought the fight in me, you chased me down and finished the race. I was blind, but now I see. Jesus you kept the faith in me." Something that really struck me the other day when thinking about this particular line, was how often we are blind to the gifts and talents that God gives us. Well, at least I am. 

Recently I have started a new job, I am now Director of Youth Ministry and Faith Formation at the Parish I work at. Within one year I went from being responsible for the education of 6-12th graders to being responsible for the education of all ages. Praise God I do not have to do this alone. I have a wonderful assistant and a great team of volunteers. But over the last few months as we went from talking about this type of ministry to actually living it out I was filled with so much anxiety and doubt about my ability to do this. My common thought was "I'm only 23" I was terrified that at 23 years old I would be responsible for molding so many minds, I would be someone else's boss, and my biggest fear came from the fact that I would now be teaching people who are older than me. See, it was one thing to talk about running ministry this way, but it was a whole other thing to actually do it! I was and in some ways still am afraid. 

My comfort level lives within the realm of Youth Ministry. I spent 4 years in Youth Groups as a participant, I lived that life. I spent several years as a volunteer, I lived that life. And I spent one year working strictly with Youth, I lived that life. In the last year of work it was my job to go to football games, go swimming, go on retreats, attend mission trips, go on Pilgrimage to Italy, eat pizza and socialize, pray with teenagers, and to help them know the love of God. I LIVED THAT LIFE. Now, my job is to minister to the adults of this community, many of whom have experienced things in their life I never have. Some of them have lost a spouse, I have never been married. Some of them have battled serious illness, I have never been seriously sick. Some of them have lost children or have seen their children leave the church, I have no children of my own. I have not lived that life, and in some ways that terrifies me. What happens when someone comes to me and asks me to console and guide them on these things that I have never experienced?

I began to doubt that I was capable of this position, in some ways I even question what God must have been thinking when he chose me to do this job, and I was afraid to see what ministry here would look like after just one year of some "punk kid" calling the shots. Then I heard this song. "You fought the fight in me, you chased me down and finished the race. I was blind, but now I see. Savior you kept the faith in me." I was reminded that God was the one  who calls us to these great things. And in my case he called me to be responsible for education for all age groups. The title of the song is Empty and Beautiful, I truly believe that when we choose to empty ourselves fully for the Lord something more beautiful than we could ever imagine will be the end result. After thinking about this I have a little more ease about what I am doing as a 23 year old. I am still a little afraid, but I know that the Lord will give me the tools needed to be successful as long as I keep emptying myself for his glory. Just like you I am not in this race alone and it is great to know that we will always have at least one person who will never give up on us!!

An Authentic Encounter

I spent the last few days gathered in Casper, Wy with the priests and a lot of people who work at the churches in Wyoming. My heart overflowed with love as I saw many friends and great priests that I have had the privilege to get to know in my 5 years in this Diocese. As the conference continued I sat and reflected on my first encounter of the church of Wyoming. 

I was a freshmen in college; afraid and alone. I didn't know anyone who would be going to mass, I missed home, and I missed my friends and family. I really didn't want to go to mass, but I did anyway. I walked from my dorm to St Paul's Newman Center. I remember walking in the door and seeing a man standing outside the worship space, he reached out his hand to shake mine and asked what my name was. I walked in and sat down at the end of the third pew in the middle section of seats (to this day this is my favorite place to sit at this church). It was far enough from the front to feel comfortable and close enough to the front to keep my attention. I remember kneeling before mass and trying to think of a time that I had encountered a priest who stood at the door and asked my name. I couldn't think of even one time. As mass ended I left the church, this priest stood outside the doors once again. He said goodby and invited me to return the following week. This whole experience to me was a little bizarre, but something I forgot about shortly after leaving the church. Well, until I returned the following week. I opened the doors and locked eyes with Fr Carl, he grinned and said "Amanda, welcome back! I hope your week was well."  It was such a short encounter, but it blew my mind. As I sat in "my pew" again I couldn't help but smile as my eyes filled with tears. I couldn't believe that this man would remember my name. I had never in my life had an encounter with a priest like that before. At that time there was one priest in my home diocese who knew my name. We had gotten to know each other over the last few years, but I had never encountered something like this. Week after week as I entered the Newman Center Fr Carl and Fr Ray would greet me by name and seem genuinely concerned about how my week was. 

I felt so loved by those two priests, I felt like I belonged at St Paul's Newman Center, I felt at home in this church. After my second year we received a new priest at that parish. I remember thinking that this new priest wouldn't care who I was or how my week was (because I had never encountered priests who did until this time). I was so sad to see Fr Ray moved to a new church and probably a little short with Fr Bill when he first arrived, but he quickly showed me that he also genuinely cared about me. I was blown away, surely not all of the priests I would encounter could possibly care about me and call me by name. Within the next year I would meet Fr Rob who has become a trusted friend, mentor, and spiritual director. As the years continued I would meet countless priests who would prove me wrong. 

This last week I saw priests I had worked with at Holy Spirit, on retreats, and through Totus Tuus. Each of them seemed genuinely excited to see me and hear about Rock Springs. In these last few days I have been reflecting on the great priests we have in this diocese who show me how to love like Christ. I have thought of Fr Carl and how he had no idea that his authenticity would change the way I saw a priest and would change my college experience. I have considered how my encounter with the church of Wyoming made it so easy for me to stay here to work after graduation and made it so hard to think about leaving when I was discerning missions. This diocese has truly captured my heart and I do believe that in my eyes no other place will compare. I truly hope that as you read this post you can think of at least one person in your life who has shown you this type of love and as your years go by that you have many more that do. Tonight I pray that all of the people of this world will treat each other with the love and respect that Fr Carl showed me five years ago. 

Single and Satisfied

I spent the summer attending weddings, traveling, and visiting family. Now when you get to be 23 you have a summer like mine where you're invited to 6 different weddings (or ordinations) for people who are close to your age. For some of my friends this summer hit a couple years ago, but for me this one was it. Don't get me wrong I absolutely loved celebrating with these couples and I am so happy that each one of them blessed me with the opportunity to be part of their day (some in person and some from afar), but let me just say it is hard to constantly answer the question "so are there any special men in your life?"  For me, at age 23 whenever I cross paths with someone I haven't seen in awhile I am immediately drilled with questions about why I have no husband or babies yet. After I finish the questionnaire I am always given this look of sadness like my dog just died and then told "don't worry you'll meet him someday!" I didn't realize how hard it was to have this conversation, until I had it every week all summer long. So here I am to set the record straight. Yes, I am 23 years old and yes I am single. For the last 5 years I've been focusing on myself, because let's face it I'm a mess. I have been learning to let Christ love me and perhaps for the first time in a long time I have spent a great deal of time learning to love myself. I spent 4 years focusing on my education, working a ton, and growing in faith. I have spent the last year learning how to balance a full-time job and my own sanity. I feel like saying "in the last five years I haven't had time for relationships" is a cop out answer, but I will say that in this moment I am enjoying being single. I can tell you that there are many aspects of my job that I would not be able to do if I were married with children. Not that there aren't people who do my job (and do it well) that are married, I just think in this moment I wouldn't be able to. See, I'm trying to figure myself out, balance working and a social life, structure my prayer life, and now take on a whole new aspect of ministry. One day I will be ready to "settle down" to "find the one" to "start my life", but right now it just isn't time for me to be searching for that. Sure, if tomorrow I met the "man of my dreams" I wouldn't look him in the eyes and say "well, this is just not the best time for me can you come back in a few years?" But at the same time I'm not going to focus my time and efforts on finding my future husband. When I was in college my roommates and I talked a lot about this song called Present Moment it says "Lord, help us to live in the present moment...Placing our trust in you, in the present moment" we would strive to live in our vocation of the moment. We would constantly ask ourselves; today am I being the best student, roommate, friend, sister, servant, or daughter that I can be right now in this moment? Sometimes the answer was yes, but for me the answer was usually no. I learned something important in that time, I learned that it was okay if the answer was no as long as I was working to change that to a yes, striving for holiness, and trusting in The Lord. So I believe that someday I will meet my future husband, someday I will have a family, and someday I will no longer be looked at like my dog just died when people talk to me about my love life. Let me just remind you of something, I'm ONLY 23. I have so much life to live and I am fully capable of living part of this lifte (or maybe even all of it) as a single woman! So before you feel bad for me because I'm not married and have no children just stop for a moment and realize that you shouldn't feel bad for me because I definitely don't feel bad for myself!

Finding My Bliss

I had a conversation several years ago that really did tug at my heart. One of my amazing cousins, role models, mentors, and friends talked to me about this little thing called "bliss". When I came to her I felt defeated, upset, hurt, and unsure of what my next move should be. She talked with me and quite simply told me that whatever I did, I had to find my bliss. My bliss? I had no idea what this meant, until I saw her finding her bliss. She said, did, and lived things that made her happy and helped contribute to the happiness of the people around her. After that conversation I did many different things that helped me to find my bliss; I changed my major to Religious Studies, I realized that I was called to serve the church through Youth Ministry, I started to travel, I spent more and more time with family and friends. I found so many things that helped to contribute to my happiness, and lately I have found just a few more.

Just over a month ago I traveled to Denver (okay Arvada) to be a bridesmaid in the wedding of a dear friend of mine. She and I met in college and instantly connected. I will be very honest in saying that when Dani asked me to be her bridesmaid I was blown away, never in a million years would I have expected that, but I was so honored. As we were preparing and planning the Bachelorette party the Maid of Honor suggested that we go to this place called Art on the Brix. I remember reading that message with total confusion and a little hesitation. Okay, so you want me to sit down with a group of people and paint and we expect this to look even slightly like the painting that we are trying to make? Haha Good luck! I remember the day of the party stopping in Laramie and seeing my best friend Kyle. I told him I was going to go paint for the first time since grade school and that I was pretty sure my painting would look like crap. He and I laughed, but figured I would enjoy a couple of cocktails and great conversation with some new friends. 

We arrived at Art on the Brix and got started. At the end of the class I was BLOWN away! I immediately sent a picture to Kyle and his response was "who painted that?" Neither one of us expected it to turn out quite as good as it did (trust me that it wasn't all that great in comparison with what it was supposed to look like). 

The whole Art on the Brix experience was so much more incredible than I had expected. So as I was preparing for another trip to Denver, I knew that I needed to give this another shot. Well we did, three times in one weekend! My cousin and I painted our little hearts out and walked away impressed with our work. So what was my next move? Going out and buying all the supplies I needed to make this happen of course! See, what started out as just a fun girls night helped unlock such a great outlet for me to relieve stress and find my bliss! I am super excited to continue to paint, knowing that my artwork is nothing extraordinary and likely not anything that another person would like to hang in their house, but knowing that for 30 minutes or more a day when I paint I am able to think of nothing but using the small talent that God gave me that took me 23 years to find!